The Path to Healing: My Grief Journal

I am continuing this journal in blog format so from this point forward the NEWEST entries will be at the TOP.

Use the links at left for the older entries:
Month 21 = May 2004,
Month 22 = June 2004, etc.

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The tears came today. This morning I was so irritable and angry and I wasn't sure why. Then I noticed the date and realized that 3 years ago today we had my daughter's funeral. And I cried as I remembered how exhilarating it was to be able to share her with everyone - "her" day. And as I remembered the little kindnesses: helping me make a picture collage and commenting about which pictures were their favorites, colleagues coming from hours away to attend, the incredible amount of food at the luncheon, the RN who had helped us bathe Abigail coming and bringing more pictures, the ladies of our congregation giving me a locket that I still wear today.

And I cried as I remembered my son in his suit at his sister's funeral, at the kids singing "Jesus Loves Me", at the numbness I felt at the time. I cried as I remembered how I didn't yet know how awful and dark the grief would become, and at how naive I still was about the whole journey. I cried for that poor person who didn't know what was ahead, that the journey wasn't over but was really just beginning.

And I cried as I remembered the next night reading on the eScribe board that A. would be induced the next morning, and asking my husband to pray for their family with me. And my preacher husband's prayer was simply, "Have mercy on them."

And I cried that so many of us have had to go through something that no one should have to go through.

I am so sorry that any of us have to go through this experience. May God have mercy on us.

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